We Can Do Hard Things

In a hyper-connected world with access to information and ideas, we now have a much richer language for mental health than ever before. Our children and the younger generations are probably better at identifying and explaining their feelings than ever before. While it is good and healthy to have language to describe our internal state, there can be some drawbacks. Consider terms such as imposter syndrome, social anxiety, and rejection sensitivity dysphoria, to name a few. These are legitimate conditions which people might find themselves in or identify with. However, they are also on a spectrum, with some cases being more extreme than others. The concern from an employer’s perspective is that when people apply these labels to themselves, in some cases, it can be used as a reason not to do hard things. In fact, many of us can relate to the characteristics these categories encompass to some degree. Most of us fear rejection, feel nervous in unknown social situations, and are afraid of failure or being perceived as incompetent. To some extent, the years of social isolation during the Covid pandemic may have exacerbated the effects of social and professional anxiety. Many of us lost connections, human interaction, opportunities to practice relational exchanges, and exposure to a variety of interpersonal scenarios. This might explain why many now prefer to work from home. While it can be efficient in some cases, it also provides a buffer, allowing individuals to hide behind a computer or phone and avoid awkward or uncomfortable exchanges.

As employers or mentors, we need to find a way to build capacity in our employees. Without being dismissive, we can help others to face uncertain and challenging situations, and step out of their comfort zone, in ways they can grow and learn from. These life skills, which most of us need to function in society, include interacting with strangers, adapting to change, and walking through non-catastrophic failure to build resilience. According to psychologist Dr. Jody Carrington, “We are wired to do hard things. These hard things are managed well when we remember this: we are wired for connection.”

In some cases, accepting and accommodating is not the most constructive thing to do, as it robs people of their ability to cope with life. Sometimes, the “fake it till you make it” mantra might prove effective, as individuals can try and realize they are capable, reducing fear or difficulty in future attempts. Another approach is to compassionately listen while guiding a person through their anxieties, reminding them that they are not alone and that others also struggle with these issues. You can also coach your employees by asking them questions about times they felt confident and successful, what they did, and how they can replicate those experiences, encouraging them to take ownership of their attitude, approach, and actions. It’s important to acknowledge that there are people with valid insecurities or different personality types who may not be outgoing, bold, take charge, or influential. The workplace needs all types to contribute and bring their unique strengths. However, the conversation around people’s idiosyncrasies and mental health could be shifted to help grow confidence and capacity in our employees by asking questions such as what is right about you, what do you do well and what do you uniquely contribute?