Building Up Resilience

Many people, business owners and employees alike, are experiencing some difficult if not devastating times right now.  While all people will face hardship and trials in their life, the global pandemic is responsible for widespread setbacks and loss economically and personally.  While acknowledging that your challenges are unique and personal, there are some ways to cope and persevere that are applicable to all. 

Resilience is defined as the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties.  Psychology Today observes, “rather than letting difficulties, traumatic events, or failure overcome them and drain their resolve, highly resilient people find a way to change course, emotionally heal, and continue moving toward their goals.” Success doesn’t come from never failing, but from trying again. Helicopter parenting is a phenomenon in which children are sheltered by well meaning parents from life’s risks and hardships; however, it results in young adults who are not adequately prepared for the real world.  We learn through failure, trial and error, rejection and feedback.
 

"Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it." Charles Swindoll

Resilience can be learned and built up.  The following is a breakdown of some tangible steps to grow your resilience. 

Grief
“You don’t have to pretend that it’s pleasant to fail or ignore the frustration that arises when a goal falls out of reach. Instead, accepting the emotions that came with the setback, being curious about why things went wrong and how you can improve in the future, and practicing self-compassion can help."  (Psychology Today)
                   
Support
“The pain of traumatic events can lead some people to isolate themselves, but it’s important to accept help and support from those who care about you.

Connecting with empathetic and understanding people can remind you that you’re not alone in the midst of difficulties. Focus on finding trustworthy and compassionate individuals who validate your feelings, which will support the skill of resilience.

Along with one-on-one relationships, some people find that being active in civic groups, faith-based communities, or other local organizations provides social support and can help you reclaim hope. Research groups in your area that could offer you support and a sense of purpose or joy when you need it.” (American Psychological Association) 
 
Identify Negative Thought Patterns
Often we let our thoughts consume us by replaying scenarios, conversations and events over and over.  Catastrophic thought patterns or cognitive distortions reinforce fallacies and worst-case-scenarios.  Thinking always, never, and extreme thoughts can lead to futile, negative, depressing and anxious mindsets.
 

"Whether you think you can or  you think you can’t – you’re right." Henry Ford

Acceptance
Don’t blame others - own areas of responsibility and error.  However, don’t shame yourself when there are identifiable external factors. Wishful or "what-if" thinking does not lead us to accept the reality we are faced with, which is necessary to process and move on.
 
Grace
Treat yourself the way you treat others.  Give yourself grace for mistakes and allowance for failure. Often we are harder on ourselves than we deserve. 
 
Hope
Hope is crucial for life.  It encompasses three parts including a goal, a plan and motivation. Don’t give up hope even when the path is hard or hidden. 
 
Achievable Steps
Focus on things you can control. “Develop some realistic goals and do something regularly — even if it seems like a small accomplishment — that enables you to move toward the things you want to accomplish.” (American Psychological Association)
 

“Start by doing what’s necessary, then do what’s possible;
and suddenly you are doing the impossible.” St Francis of Assisi

Gratitude
There is always something to be thankful for.  Take stock of your life and make mental or written notes of the big and small things that are positive.  Gratitude is the antidote for anxiety.

Service
“Whether you volunteer with a local homeless shelter or simply support a friend in their own time of need, you can garner a sense of purpose, foster self-worth, connect with other people and tangibly help others, all of which can empower you to grow in resilience.” (American Psychological Association) 

Learn
Don’t waste your struggle. If you learn something from it, it will help redeem the experience. “Further, analyzing and accepting a setback can provide lessons that will stop the failure from repeating itself in the future. " (Psychology Today) 
 

“Rock-bottom can also be a great foundation on which to build and grow” Dr. Rick Rigsby

Willingness to Change
“Accept that change is a part of life. Certain goals or ideals may no longer be attainable as a result of adverse situations in your life. Accepting circumstances that cannot be changed can help you focus on circumstances that you can alter.” (American Psychological Association)
A well worn phrase states desperation is the mother of invention.  Now is the time to review and revamp or retire some ineffective or outdated practices. 
 
It might be cliché but the same boiling water that softens the potato hardens the egg.  Rise above your circumstances and press on towards your goals, hopes and dreams for a better tomorrow.